I wish I could teleport
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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