My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
