2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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