I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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