Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Come on in and take your pants off
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