considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
