You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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