We won't sleep together?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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