The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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