I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
