so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
