my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
