They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
