its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
