I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
