Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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