Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
