just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
