And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
