i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
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