just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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