32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
