Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
