i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just had sex bonerless
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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