my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
