What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
