Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
