You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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