It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I deserve this hangover.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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