So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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