my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize