Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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