do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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