I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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