he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
