he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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