I'm pants shitting drunk right now
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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