ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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