I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
