i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You're like the curious george of whores
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
