Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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