can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
