Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
