If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize