he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize