he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize