Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
