im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
