they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
