the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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