My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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