It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize