That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
