After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
