i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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