the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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