Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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