i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
