i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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