Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
