thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
