1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
40s are totally the cure
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
