My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
