fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
