I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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