It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize