Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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