Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
