Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
