Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
