Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
