You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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