Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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