we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize