I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
