Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
