Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
