Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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