Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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