hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize