im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
